Summer Buzz on Christmas Soda

Tekst: Monica Kvistad Michelsen, Lars VingelsgÃ¥rd, Magnus Christoffersen, Halvor Bjørntvedt, Sarah Lasselle, Frida Alexandersen, Camilla Muren, Jonathan Holt Thorbjørnsen, Kaia Holen Lovas

In Norway, there exists a strange tradition known as Christmas soda, julebrus in Norwegian. Every year around Christmas, the country’s local breweries come out with their own version of a sweet soda. Children guzzle it down and the Norwegians often feel a strong attachment to the julebrus of their childhood. As such, discussions about julebrus can quickly become heated.

Foto: Lars Erlend Leganger, Under Dusken For those of you who are new to Norway, your faithful and hard-working Under Dusken translator has participated in UD’s annual julebrus test and translated the resulting article.* Read and enjoy!

Foto: Lars Erlend Leganger, Under DuskenSummer vacation is still fresh in our memories, exams seem infinitely far way and life is good. Now that julebrus is in stores, few things that could make life better. The only problem is figuring out which julebrus to choose. Fear not, the internet editorial staff at Under Dusken is ready to help, as always, so we’ve tested this year’s selection.

Foto: Lars Erlend Leganger, Under DuskenOur staff have all met at Jonathan’s house and already temperatures are rising. There are a lot of strong feelings involved. Kaia and Jonathan are patriots to the bone, Sarah suffers from acute lack of both soda and Christmas from the USA, while Camilla, who abhors soda, is extremely skeptical to the whole production.

Foto: Lars Erlend Leganger, Under DuskenThe soda is ready for testing. Frida has volunteered to organize and serve the sodas in white plastic cups, so as not to allow our pre-conceived notions of the different breweries to compromise our judgment.

Hamar and Lillehammer Julebrus

Foto: Lars Erlend Leganger, Under DuskenLars: No, this is too flat and has way too much sugar.

Monica: A sublte sweetness! It tastes like a children’s birthday party.

Camilla: Blah! Are you guys actually drinking this?

Lars: The bubble content was disappointing...I think I’m going into sugar shock.

Monica: Yeah, I feel some diabetes coming on.

Kaia: No. Come on, everyone. It reminds me of church on Christmas eve.

Jonathan: I suddenly feel the need to put on Christmas music.

Kaia and Jonathan’s eyes suddenly glaze over as they guzzle down the rest.

Sarah: 67 points. I’d say it passes the julebrus test.

Score: 60 / 100 - Testvinner

Hansa Julebrus

Kaia: Is this lighter fluid?

Monica: It smells fake and synthetic. It has no taste.

Lars: It’s like melted plastic gliding over your tongue.

Sarah: It reminds of the cough syrup I would get as a kid.

Kaia: Now I’ve lost that Christmas feeling.

Sarah: But it is a lot more fun drinking red soda than drinking brown soda. The visual element is important here.

Lars: When it reaches the back of your tongue, there’s a kind of bitter taste.

Halvor: What if you mixed alcohol with this? That would be something.

Lars chuckles to himself like Santa Claus and starts scratching his beard. The atmosphere is considerably more relaxed after glass number two.

Jonathan: Red soda is for four year-olds.  This is clown soda! I also feel a layer of something forming over my teeth.

Camilla: Yeah, it makes me want to make a dental appointment.

Score: 24 / 100

Lerum Julebrus

Camilla: Wow, this is really red .

Monica: But it’s smells really good. It makes me want to go home to my mom and celebrate Christmas.

Kaia: This is too sour.

Monica: No, no. That’s what makes it good!

Lars: It glides nicely over the tongue since it has so little carbonation.

Lars is clearly concerned with the interactions between tongue and soda.

Monica: But now that my teeth are already rotted away from the sugar in the other sodas, I don’t feel like the sourness is such a big deal.

Lars: The enamel is gone. Let's drink julebrus!

Sarah: I like this one best so far.

Lars: That’s not too surprising. This is typical American swill. Water, a ton of sugar and a color that doesn’t exist in nature.

Sarah: Yeah, well. There might be something to that.

Score: 50 / 100

Dahls Julebrus

Monica: This stuff basically smells like nail polish remover.

Camilla: I see that you’re really concerned with smells.

Kaia: This reminds me of when I was young, stupid and drank hard alcohol straight.

Jonathan: Fleh, nasty!

Monica: It tastes like a bad mixed drink

Halvor: What? This one is clearly the best.

Camilla: Yeah, I have to admit I agree. This one is way better than the others.

Sarah: No way. This one is so bitter, I can’t even finish it.

Lars: Great! I’ll finish it for you.

Camilla: It’s nice that it’s not so sweet. You can actually drink it.

Jonathan: This makes me wonder if Frida has added ingredients from my roommate’s chemistry set.

Halvor: 72 poeng!

Lars: 65

Jonathan: Seriously, quit being idiots.

Score: 30 / 100

The test is complete, the participants are high on sugar, the mood is good, and we’re still friends despite our philosophical differences. One thing is certain. When none of sodas receive an average score of more than 60 points, the conclusion has to be that it’s not the taste that counts when it comes to julebrus.

*The translator reserves the right to re-write anything that she might have said during the test to make sure she sounds cool.